Boy Stalks Girl
by InkblotsOnThePage
Summary: What happens when Peeta stalks Katniss? Or when Cato stalks Clove? Or when pretty much any boy stalks any girl? The answer is pain. Lots and lots of very very physical pain.
1. Peeta's Little Accident

**YAY! My first not a collab with Ava fan fiction! You can call me Verra if it helps. Anyways…presenting my first story! I'm not a fan of 'this is my first story please don't hate', so if you hate this, GIVE CRITICISM! I don't even care if it's hate mail.**

**THIRD PERSON'S POV**

Peeta quietly followed the brunette girl through the mall, very 'subtly' hiding behind tiny trash cans and plastic topiary. He grabbed his very 'manly' pen and tiptoed behind his crush.

_Dear Journal,_

_I am currently following Katniss Everdeen around the mall. Wait…let me start over. I am currently at the mall and will most likely run into Katniss in about five minutes when I…wait let me start over. I am at the mall. I see Katniss. I am not following her. I might bump into her because we are going to the same store._

Peeta looked up, noticing the store Katniss was going into, along with her best friends. He gave a painful sigh, wanting very badly to slam himself to death before burning up himself.

_Apparently, I need to go to Victoria's Secret. Because…I am deathly in need of pink panties. That's my reason for going into a girl's lingerie store. I am doing this because I need pink panties, not because Katniss is there._

Peeta gulped, sliding himself towards the hot pink door, desperately wishing Katniss would exit the store. He already lost sight of the brunette who was standing amidst many candy colored underwear. He couldn't do it. He tried, but he just couldn't do it.

**KATNISS' POV**

I watched as a crazy looking blonde guy dashed out the door of the mall, screaming something that sounded like 'I CAN'T DO IT! I JUST CAN'T!' A look of confusion on my face, I turned to my friends.

"Who was that?" Madge asked, looking equally confused.

"Some idiot." Johanna grumbled, hitching her bags onto her shoulders. "C'mon, let's go to the sports store."

I rolled my eyes, before following Madge, Johanna and Delly towards the Sports Authority.

**THIRD PERSON'S POV**

Peeta finally entered the mall again, donning a brand new disguise; a large black mustache. Grabbing his journal, Peeta once again began scoping out the tomboyish brunette. Shoving the journal into his NOT AT ALL girly backpack, Peeta jogged towards the Sports Authority he had last seen Katniss in.

He entered the store, grabbing a set of binoculars, he used it to look closely at all the sections. Ball section? Nope. Boxing section? Nope. Weights? Nope. Then it hit him. The one section Katniss would actually be in.

Peeta ran to the archery section, and sure enough, Katniss his one true love was there. However, he didn't know one thing about Katniss Everdeen that he probably should've. You should never ever ever startle a girl who shot squirrels dead in the eye while she had a bow and an entire quiver of arrows with her.

"Hey Kat-OW!" Peeta grabbed his rather private area, hissing with pain. "I think I need a medic!"

Katniss, still all too startled by the blonde, shrugged before walking off with a snickering Johanna, leaving the dumb boy quivering in pain on the floor of the archery section.

"Oh hey, Peter!" Peeta looked up from the position he was in, and wiped the foam from his mouth. Standing above him was another blonde, who was staring into a mirror a very empty look on her face. Not in a sad way, more like in a brainless way.

"Hey, Glimmer." Peeta sighed, continuing to lie on the floor slowly bleeding to death.

"Do you think I'm pretty? Because I think I am! I was just in MAC, and well, I bought a lifetime supply of this lipstick! It's called Blood Red. I have no idea why, though. It used to be just red. But then as soon as Clove started working at MAC, somehow all the lipstick names changed! And they now have paper taped on it! Weird, right?"

As Glimmer babbled on, the seriously injured Peeta got up and walked out the store. Having to walk would surely be less painful. He walked all the way to the hospital, and was surprisingly fine…when he realized the arrow was plastic.

**THE END**

**Yeah, yeah it's short. **


	2. Cato's Watermelon Foot

**Yay! Yay! YAY! Thank you to Annabeth-TheTributeThatLived and Guest:catoismyotp for reviewing! Well, here's the next chapter. Enjoy?**

**THIRD PERSON POV**

Cato groaned, trudging through the snow angrily. He could not believe it. Losing a bet to Peeta was never a good thing. And by that, he meant he was assigned to 'create his own little fairytale'. How Peeta was straight was beyond him. But Peeta's sexuality was not his biggest problem. He was supposed to trail Clove, and then 'accidentally' bump into her.

So now he was standing in a gym, Clove's favorite hangout, sitting on a workout bench lifting weights while waiting for his so called 'princess' to waltz through the door and fall in love with him. Cato stopped lifting his weight when he realized what thought had passed through his head. He had thought the words 'princess' and 'waltz'. Now he wasn't sure about his own sexuality.

"What're you doing here?" Cato was snapped out of his thoughts, somewhat disturbing thoughts, and looked up at the person the voice was coming from. He looked up, his eyes suddenly the size of dishes. It was none other than Clove, with the empty headed Glimmer trailing her while applying the ugliest makeup ever.

"I…um…um…you…I…you…me…" Cato stuttered, his hands starting to sweat. That was a big mistake on his part. The sweat greased up the weight, and slid out of his hands, right onto his feet.

"YOUCH!" Cato screamed, the weight crushing his oddly ladylike foot. Almost immediately, Clove lifted up the weight with ease, tossing it aside.

"Are you ok?" she asked, although the question wasn't needed. Cato's foot had swollen to the size of a watermelon, and his shoe and sock had both exploded from how large it was.

**Clove's POV**

Glimmer and I had to literally carry Cato to the nurse's ward in the gym. On the way there, he cursed, screamed and let one tear slip out.

We finally dropped the blonde good for nothing lump in the nurse's ward before we went back to the training room to get prepared for stamina and whatever.

**THIRD PERSON POV**

_Dear Peeta's Stalker Journal,_

_Today I'm making an entry because I lost a bet. I learned something about stalking girls today. It always ends up with us guys getting hurt. Peeta with the plastic arrow, and me with the weight. My foot is now the size of Panem. _

_However, luckily for me, the biggest idiot in the world also lost a bet to Peeta. Marvel will have to stalk Glimmer tomorrow oh no Peeta's coming!_

Cato slammed Peeta's pink colored journal shut, sliding it into his backpack. Peeta practically bounced over, handing Cato a set of crutches.

"What are you doing?" Cato asked.

"You need to find your happily ever after with Clove!" Peeta smiled, shoving Cato out the door.

Groaning, Cato tossed the backpack over his shoulder before once again going to seek out the raven haired girl.

A while later, Cato found himself limping towards Clove's second favorite place ever; Sports Authority. He quickly spotted Clove, and seeing her turning his way, quickly ducked behind basket ball stand.

However, he was way too tall to be unnoticed.

"Cato?" Clove asked, peeking over the basketball stands.

"Um…um…" Cato squeaked, sounding strangely like a girl.

"SPIT IT OUT!" Clove yelled, slapping Cato's arm.

"I like you. You're pretty. EEK!" Clove watched awkwardly as Cato sprinted out of the store, leaving a long cloud of dust behind.

_I have learned my lesson. Girls are confusing._

_Sincerely, Cato_

"Hey, Clove! Where did Carl go?" Glimmer asked, blinking stupidly.

**Which couple would you like next?**


	3. Double The Craziness

**I might make these updates weekly…**

**By request, here's this chapter!**

THIRD PERSON

Johanna stomped through the lawn of Katniss' house, holding Peeta's sparkly pink notebook and purple feather glitter pen wondering why in the world she was friends with the girly guy.

She was sent on a mission to create a fairyale ending with Gale, because thanks to none other than Peeta, they had a shipping base. A frikking shipping base.

"Hey Gale." Johanna grumbled, stuffing the notebook and pen in her tote. The surprised man looked at Johanna curiously, half expecting her to kill him for just being friends with Katniss,

"Hi?" Gale asked, still holding some roses meant for Katniss. And then the two just stood there for a very very very very very very very very very very very very long time, Johanna looking at Gale and Gale looking at Johanna.

"Peeta told me to stalk you so we'd get married." Johanna said flatly not even bothering with coming up with a suitable excuse. She'd been chopping trees all day, she didn't have the energy to think of something witty.

"Ok." Gale replied, surprisingly nonchalant despite the fact Johanna had openly admitted to stalking him, and was holding a tote, one of the girlies bags he'd heard of besides the purse.

And then another long and awkward silence started.

"Do you want to go on a date?" Johanna finally asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Sure."

And that is how Peeta finally did one successful thing.

PART TWO

Marvel ballet danced towards Glimmer's house, bearing a cross eyed look across his ditzy face. Even though Peeta hadn't required him to stalk Glimmer, he wanted to. He was bored, she was pretty. And to top it all off, everyone said their brain size matched. They were perfect for each other.

Marvel nearly ran into Glimmer, knocking her over.

"My makeup!" Glimmer wailed, sobbing into the artificial lawn.

"My toe!" Marvel cried, managing to stub his toe on Glimmer's lipstick, God knows how.

The two supposedly tough teens both started sobbing uncontrollably on the lawn, crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying and crying.

Two days later…

Marvel and Glimmer were still crying.

"Hey, Glimmer?" Marvel sniffled.

"Yes, Marvie?" Glimmer sobbed.

"Do you have any idea why we're crying?"

"Not a clue."

"Do you want to hear a joke?" Marvel asked.

"Ok."

"My left side of my brain has nothing right and my right side has nothing left."

"I don't really get it."

"Me neither!"

**Sorry for the shortness.**

**IMPORTANT! **

**I am writing a collab with candykisses101, so check out her story! I haven't done anything yet, but she's wonderful.**

**MORE IMPORTANT!**

**I'll write two short chapters a week.**


	4. Unicorns Filafle Poop

**By somewhat popular request…here it is…**

**Third Person**

Finnick was just ever so casually strolling through the mall one day, when he was threatened by Peeta. With a breadstick. However, not wanting to hurt Peeta's feelings, with him being ever so wonderfully unexplainably gracious, Finnick had agreed to Peeta's lunatic scheme. Which he regretted a full 0.00000000000000001 seconds later.

So now he was walking through the mall, which seemed to be the main hangout of every single girl, and Peeta. He was headed for the least visited store in the entire mall, the psychologist's little room for mentally disturbed people and other living creatures. And he was holding a glittery pen with a newly taped fairy on it. The day sucked balls.

Before he knew it, he was already at the door of the shrink's, and his object of observation was heading out, her eyes twinkling like the sea with craziness. Annie Cresta, the craziest girl to walk the face of…the universe. And for some unexplained reason, Finnick was head over heels for her, despite many people mocking his choice in women.

"Hi Annie."

"Fish garbles UNICORN!" Annie replied, smiling.

"How are you?"

"Dragon eggs munchies spinach." Annie sighed.

"Where are you going?"

"Camelot!" Annie said excitedly, grabbing Finnick's hand.

"Doodadoodoo!" she sang pretending to play a trumpet. She skipped along the sidewalk, tugging a reluctant Finnick with her, earning the stares of many people and the occasional glare.

**Peeta's POV**

I settled down in my unicorn themed comforter, my prada man-purse slung over the back. I grabbed the remote that controlled all my hidden cameras placed around the earth. I had contacts everywhere, who would always help me out with my little plans and schemes and shenanigans. We were one big, happy family.

I could see Annie and Finnick skipping through the streets, happily, singing, fairytaling it all the way. How wonderful. I could see Katniss brushing her hair. How beautiful…

I glanced back on Finnick and Annie, who were going SWIMMING? No! This could not happen! They were supposed to follow my plans on how to get married and have lots of babies! NOOOOOOOOO!

**Third Person**

"Peeta silent screamed." Annie muttered.

**So they get shorter. Sue me.**

**AD: READ candykisses101 SYOT for another chapter updated quicker! And longer! **


	5. Increase of the Randomness!

"**And I'm back…after forever! **

**Anyways, after major boy trouble and stuff…JKJKJKJKJK! God, I'm just a loner girl without a boo, just a lot of guy friends. That was my pathetic life story, here's Peeta's.**

**INCREASE OF THE RANDOMNESS: A Reunion Special**

"Hello, Panem. My name is Peeta Rye Wheat Multigrain White Mellark, and tomorrow I will be auditioning you all in a reality show just because I have run out of friends to force into stalking, I mean falling in love…hehehe. Today, I will demonstrate the process of getting into the show, TruLuv. Visit the site for more information! **A/N: Not actually a site. **" Peeta cut the tape, and then forced Beetee to upload it.

"Ok. Our first contestant is Cato!" Peeta pulled a chair, with a furious Cato banded to it, into the room. Switching on the light, it was revealed they were in the crappiest film place in Panem, Free Filming Studio. Peeta grinned, and pulled from a pedestal a fake microphone. Peeta's ever so faithful intern, Delly, aimed the camera at the boys.

"Hello Cato."

"Can I go now?" Cato whined.

"No. Welcome to TruLuv! That's spelt T-R-U-L-U-V! I even have a theme song!" Peeta cleared his throat. "HERE IN THE STUDIO OF TRUE LOVE, WE WILL MAKE YOU FIND YOUR TRUE LOVE! WE ALL LOVE BEING IN TRUE LOVE! LOVE, LOVE, LOVE! LALALALALALALALA! JUST BECAUSE EVERY SONG NEEDS A LALALALALALA! TRUE LOVE! HERE WE SPELL IT TRULUV AS IN T-R-U-L-U-V!"

Peeta's voice sounded like a dying cow.

"First question, since when did you fall in love with Clovey-Dovey-Wovey-Povey?" Peeta spoke in an incredibly childish voice, making Cato roll his eyes.

"Um, last year, I guess? She punched me in the face…" Peeta shoved his hand into Cato's mouth.

"NO! You do NOT get to use a Dramione story! Dramione is a horrible ship!" Peeta burst into tears. "Because Hermione Granger belongs with me!"

*silence*

*silence*

*silence*

"That's right Katniss, I like Hermione! I'm so sorry!" Peeta screamed, and then ran out the window. And broke all his bones. And almost died. Except he didn't, because a magical rainbow saved him.

"Anyways…she punched me and then we started yelling at each other, and then she punched me again, and then I fell in love." Cato answered, albeit a little more cautiously.

"Okie Dokie Loki!" Peeta grinned, his mascara stained face being cleaned off by his other intern, Mia the Ultimate Fangirl.

"So, what was your first date like?" Peeta asked, hoping for serious drama.

"Um, we had a picnic by a lake. I found out she likes peanut butter."

"THAT'S IT?! That isn't romantic enough! You need to go propose to Clove!" Peeta then shoved Cato away.

**Increase of the Randomness: A Reunion Special**

"Hello, Panem!" Peeta smiled. "Here we have a character from another one of Inkblots' story, a personal one, who is guest starring here! Today, as it is a reunion special, we will be breaking the fourth wall!" Peeta grinned. "We will be back to Boy Stalks Girl on Friday, but today it is…INCREASE OF THE RANDOMNESS!"

"Hi." Anna smiled timidly, waving at the crowd.

"Hello, Anna! Tell us about your love life! I want to know all the details!"

"I'm 12 years old, and I still haven't been asked out even once." The crowd gave an awing sound.

"But that's fine. I guess." Another aw ensued.

"I do like this one guy though." Peeta brightened.

"But he'd never like me."

"SO CLICHE!" Peeta screamed, sobbing uncontrollably.

"What should I do?" Anna asked.

"You need to tell him. Right now." And with that, Peeta booted her off the stage.

**I'm so sorry! I have no ideas for this! So, this happened, an IOTR Chapter. Anna is by all means real, my alter personality. No, JK. She's one of my friends, and huge romantic. I have no idea what she should do. Sigh.**

**Anyways, I'll write an ending chapter, so review me ideas!**


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